My first live performance. It seemed like I should be much more nervous than I felt. I was so focused on getting the words right and singing in tune that I almost forgot that there were people sitting down listening to the band play. The first live performance felt like a regular band practice. It felt natural and not complicated. I was singing in on two songs and then I was done. As I stood before the microphone I could start to feel the uneasiness set in. The singing and the remembering of the words was no longer on the fore front of my mind. I was concerned about how I looked. Did it look natural? Or could you completely tell that I was new at this?
It’s too late…the music starts and I feel that electricity of the music again and I go into a trance. I start singing. It sounds almost identical from our practice the night before. My nerves calm now because I feel comfortable and continue to focus on the addiction being fed. It feels so good. The words are coming naturally and I’m singing great! It’s a duet and our voices are blending perfectly. It’s all going as planned I just have to hold on until the last measure. As I begin to sing the last few measures a smile forms across my face and I know it sounded great! The crowd loves it and I’m taking it all in one heartbeat at a time.
I realized something that night. The hairbrush works. It’s like I had been repeating a positive affirmation over and over again every time I sang into that hairbrush. I had imagined and actively practiced my way into a first time successful live performance. I wouldn’t call myself a natural yet, I still had a lot to learn and I went home praying that I would get that chance. Most addictions are cured through a lot of restraint, self-control and a withdrawal phase. I did not want to be restrained or withdrawn. A few weeks later I was given more and this time more songs to sing. I was doing it. I was becoming the live performer that I imagined myself to be. Our next gig was just two weeks away.
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